The fault: the signal has been very bad since the phone was repaired for a power problem.
I check the phone; there's no to low signal. The RF connector, which is a little metal dohickey stuck on the back of the phone which you can plug stuff onto, is badly damaged.
I check the repair history.
The phone was in in January.
I'm expected to believe that the customer wasn't worried that they had no signal for 11 months, on a phone that somehow has a common form of customer-caused damage? Pull the other one, dude.
The fault: 'touchscreen crashing'.
I don't even. What the? I'm trying to guess what the phone, the touchscreen, or the customer are actually doing, and I got nothing.
The fault: same problem as last time, please exchange
1. A giant crack in the touchscreen is not the same fault as liquid damage on your charging port.
2. Every time a phone is exchanged, a network or brand accountant keels over and dies. Just dies.
3. You do have a point though - I think the underlying problem is the same.
Fault description: Software issue.
I KILL YOU. I KILL YOU DEAD.
Software is clearly ruled out, as it's never software when the customer says it is, but it could be anything else from a faulty wifi to a full moon. Sent it NFF with the most unsnarky note I could manage (borderline).
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
The Other Kind of Phone Thief
"Celka!" calls out Daniel, our technical manager, which usually means he's found a screwup somewhere; he's at his desk, with Tomasz hovering over him.
"I didn't do it. What'd I do?" I say, moseying the five or six feet over there pronto.
"Tomasz stole your phone!" Daniel declares gleefully, and I see the screen. Logged as NFF by Celka, allocated to Tomasz, logged as NFF by Tomasz. "Wha?", says I.
"He took your phone and logged it!" Daniel razzes Tomasz, who is the picture of rueful chagrin - not so much over the phone as over knowing he's going to hear about this oops all day. "Very clever! This is how he makes his productivity! Now he should give you a phone. No, no, he should repair three phones and give them to you! Maybe he should repair phones for you all day!"
By this point, caught up, I am laughing, but that part gets my attention; "I have go to put my phones on everyone else's benches!" I declare. "When they all get punished, I'll have a week of holiday!"
But Daniel is on a roll; marching over to the workbenches, gesturing expansively, he warns everyone "Look out for Mr. Tomasz, here! He will steal your phones! Mr. Tomasz is a cheeky bastard!"
Mr. Tomasz slinks back to his workbench, but as the poor guy's beside me, he's still got to deal with my giggles until I get them under control again.
"I didn't do it. What'd I do?" I say, moseying the five or six feet over there pronto.
"Tomasz stole your phone!" Daniel declares gleefully, and I see the screen. Logged as NFF by Celka, allocated to Tomasz, logged as NFF by Tomasz. "Wha?", says I.
"He took your phone and logged it!" Daniel razzes Tomasz, who is the picture of rueful chagrin - not so much over the phone as over knowing he's going to hear about this oops all day. "Very clever! This is how he makes his productivity! Now he should give you a phone. No, no, he should repair three phones and give them to you! Maybe he should repair phones for you all day!"
By this point, caught up, I am laughing, but that part gets my attention; "I have go to put my phones on everyone else's benches!" I declare. "When they all get punished, I'll have a week of holiday!"
But Daniel is on a roll; marching over to the workbenches, gesturing expansively, he warns everyone "Look out for Mr. Tomasz, here! He will steal your phones! Mr. Tomasz is a cheeky bastard!"
Mr. Tomasz slinks back to his workbench, but as the poor guy's beside me, he's still got to deal with my giggles until I get them under control again.
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
The Problem Is Not the Phone
For some reason, they always come in batches. Maybe it's the full moon?
"WHEN CUSTOMER PRINTS PHOTOS IT DOES NOT COME OUT CLEAR"
... so you sent your phone in. Unfortunately, I can't order the item that would fix this situation (either a new printer or a brain), so I just logged the phone as no fault found.
"switches off when calling. screen freezes on daily basis. had sent off before for same faults but not fixed."
Now, this one sounds very reasonable, doesn't it? Sure, that last part is kinda... ominous, but gosh, doesn't it sound like this is a broken phone?
Ah. But I have a 'repair history' tab, and as a special treat, I now have access to the ticket MANAGEMENT window. I see all, I know all.
For example, I know that this phone was logged as No Fault Found a month ago, and then exchanged by O2 anyway a few days later.
And you sent it back saying 'not fixed'.
There is no way that this is going to end well. Time spent thoroughly checking phone: 5 minutes. Time spent carefully typing up detailed cover-my-arse notes: 10 minutes. Result: no fault found.
"the phone won't hold the charge, also the background of screen is like a snowing flake background."
I had to show this ticket to the guy sitting next to me, Tomasz. He didn't miss a beat. "It's Christmas. It's normal."
I turned on the phone enthusiastically, because this I had to see! And it did look pretty cool, all the little dots of obvious liquid damage on the LCD...
I couldn't resist, I showed it to Daniel, our technical manager. He said it looked like liquid damage, too. Well, okay, he said 'Oh bloody hell', but I'm assuming that's what he meant.
Then I opened the phone. Oh bloody hell! A mass of corrosion and rust. I am deeply impressed that this phone actually turned on and, to some extent, functioned. I am so impressed that I mention this to the BER officer; "This phone works! No fault found, right?" "Sure!" he enthused, laughing while he authorized the phone as an official paperweight. "Just mark that everything's okay!"
"WHEN CUSTOMER PRINTS PHOTOS IT DOES NOT COME OUT CLEAR"
... so you sent your phone in. Unfortunately, I can't order the item that would fix this situation (either a new printer or a brain), so I just logged the phone as no fault found.
"switches off when calling. screen freezes on daily basis. had sent off before for same faults but not fixed."
Now, this one sounds very reasonable, doesn't it? Sure, that last part is kinda... ominous, but gosh, doesn't it sound like this is a broken phone?
Ah. But I have a 'repair history' tab, and as a special treat, I now have access to the ticket MANAGEMENT window. I see all, I know all.
For example, I know that this phone was logged as No Fault Found a month ago, and then exchanged by O2 anyway a few days later.
And you sent it back saying 'not fixed'.
There is no way that this is going to end well. Time spent thoroughly checking phone: 5 minutes. Time spent carefully typing up detailed cover-my-arse notes: 10 minutes. Result: no fault found.
"the phone won't hold the charge, also the background of screen is like a snowing flake background."
I had to show this ticket to the guy sitting next to me, Tomasz. He didn't miss a beat. "It's Christmas. It's normal."
I turned on the phone enthusiastically, because this I had to see! And it did look pretty cool, all the little dots of obvious liquid damage on the LCD...
I couldn't resist, I showed it to Daniel, our technical manager. He said it looked like liquid damage, too. Well, okay, he said 'Oh bloody hell', but I'm assuming that's what he meant.
Then I opened the phone. Oh bloody hell! A mass of corrosion and rust. I am deeply impressed that this phone actually turned on and, to some extent, functioned. I am so impressed that I mention this to the BER officer; "This phone works! No fault found, right?" "Sure!" he enthused, laughing while he authorized the phone as an official paperweight. "Just mark that everything's okay!"
Monday, 19 November 2012
Og Fix Phone
Ahh, Monday morning. Will the first phone set the tone for the week?
Hope not.
When I looked at this phone, I pretty much instantly realized the full tale, but let me unfold it for you as it occurred:
Someone smashed their touchscreen. They then sent their phone in as a warranty repair. We said 'lol no warranty', and offered them a quote to fix it. They refused the quote, and got the phone back as-is.
They then went to the zoo, where they asked the hyenas for a cheaper repair. (I assume, based on what I saw). Then, happy in the knowledge that no one would ever guess how sneaky they were, they sent the phone back to us for repair with its unbroken touchscreen. Surely now it will be in warranty!
I then receive a phone with the problem 'touchscreen not working', in the following state: the touchscreen is working (a minor miracle). The inside of the touchscreen is a mess of smudges, glue, and clearly defined fingerprints. One screw is missing from the back. The volume key has been torn off.
"You get what you pay for," we say. "Here is our quote. Again."
As far as the Evil Empire is concerned, at this point we have permission to shoot you, so good luck. It's us or the hyenas again.
Hope not.
When I looked at this phone, I pretty much instantly realized the full tale, but let me unfold it for you as it occurred:
Someone smashed their touchscreen. They then sent their phone in as a warranty repair. We said 'lol no warranty', and offered them a quote to fix it. They refused the quote, and got the phone back as-is.
They then went to the zoo, where they asked the hyenas for a cheaper repair. (I assume, based on what I saw). Then, happy in the knowledge that no one would ever guess how sneaky they were, they sent the phone back to us for repair with its unbroken touchscreen. Surely now it will be in warranty!
I then receive a phone with the problem 'touchscreen not working', in the following state: the touchscreen is working (a minor miracle). The inside of the touchscreen is a mess of smudges, glue, and clearly defined fingerprints. One screw is missing from the back. The volume key has been torn off.
"You get what you pay for," we say. "Here is our quote. Again."
As far as the Evil Empire is concerned, at this point we have permission to shoot you, so good luck. It's us or the hyenas again.
First World Problems
The ticket: "I am a whiny little snot. Please beat me up."
Oh, sorry. I'm paraphrasing there. "The LED light on the front of the phone (red green blue) lights up but is too dim."
You sent your phone away to a repair centre for a week because you don't like the strength of the LED??? Never have I been so tempted to 'accidentally' misuse a multimeter and show you what a real problem looks like. How do you survive in this world?
Not only that, but when I log this phone (as No Fault Found, natch), I find it's been sent in before... and No Fault Found before. I didn't even bother to check why; maybe an icon was an unpleasing shade of blue?
Oh, sorry. I'm paraphrasing there. "The LED light on the front of the phone (red green blue) lights up but is too dim."
You sent your phone away to a repair centre for a week because you don't like the strength of the LED??? Never have I been so tempted to 'accidentally' misuse a multimeter and show you what a real problem looks like. How do you survive in this world?
Not only that, but when I log this phone (as No Fault Found, natch), I find it's been sent in before... and No Fault Found before. I didn't even bother to check why; maybe an icon was an unpleasing shade of blue?
Thursday, 8 November 2012
Really? This is a fault now?
"DOESNT PICK UP WIFI SIGNAL AT LONG RANGES WHEN IT USED TO. WILL PICK UP IF IN CLOSE PROXIMITY OF ROUTER. BATTERY DOESNT LAST LONGER THAN A DAY AND A HALF WHEN IT USED TO LAST OVER 2 DAYS"
Oh. My. God. Quickly, someone! Get Samsung on the phone! Tell them we need the CEO immediately! THIS BATTERY ONLY LASTS A DAY AND A HALF!
You knobhead.
Of course I check the wifi and the battery, and everything else, but shockingly enough I did not find anything wrong with this phone. Imagine.
Oh. My. God. Quickly, someone! Get Samsung on the phone! Tell them we need the CEO immediately! THIS BATTERY ONLY LASTS A DAY AND A HALF!
You knobhead.
Of course I check the wifi and the battery, and everything else, but shockingly enough I did not find anything wrong with this phone. Imagine.
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