Training: On the Line (of Fire)

Now, what the new job normally does with trainees (now officially On
The Line this week), they give us the 'refurb' phones. These are the
probably-working phones that get prettied up with new casings and
stuff, tested, and sent on in bulk for resale. They don't have an
actual customer yet, and they don't have an exact timeline, so when
the trainees break a few they can just be repaired again and it's part
of the expected cost of training.

They ran out of those today. They had to give us Real Customer Phones
with Actual Reported Issues. The level three techs must have LOVED
that, I tell you; I bet they really look forward to a few weeks of
answering 'phone won't turn on' with 'put a battery in it' for the new
level 1 techs.

The first thing I discovered is the amazing multiple meanings of
'power problem', regarding a phone. It can mean so many things! For
example:

Power Problem = 'battery is missing'
Power Problem = 'I want a newer model'
Power Problem = 'I only spilled a LITTLE coffee on it'
Power Problem = 'one of the keys doesn't work'
Power Problem = 'you mean I have to charge it?'
Power Problem = 'actually, the touchscreen doesn't work at the bottom
whenever I get both drunk and high'

Then there's the other extreme; some customer included a helpful
little post-it note explaining all the problems in detail with the
phone! I was rather charmed. Unfortunately, it summed up to 'your
phone is so totally hosed, I saw a level three tech drawing a
pentagram around it', but it was still nice to have the note.

There's also a certain model I should recommend, but won't. Opened it
up and the thing was full of grit, also some sticky stuff and some
mysterious stains; but after cleaning and inspecting it, the darn
thing worked! Sturdy as anything, I guess. But also a real job to
disassemble and assemble (you need three sizes of screws WHY?), so
frankly I don't need anyone buying them. Sorry.

Also, we do not pretty up the repair-only phones. If we can make it
function, you're getting it back - dings, scratches, scuffs, duct tape
and all.